1. You park in a disabled spot. That’s right, I saw you get out of your car and I checked your window for a permit. You are not entitled to park there. No, you’re just a lazy, inconsiderate person, who believes the rules do not apply to them.
2. You park in a parent and child spot, yet, you have no children. That’s right, you are so irritatingly arrogant and inconsiderate, you took the last parent & child spot & my heavily pregnant wife cannot get out of her car and go into the store, because the idiots on either side of her at the regular parking spots are also unable to park with consideration.
3. You litter. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it’s littering. Use the bloody bin the local council or establishment has provided. Don’t be a lazy ass and leave your coke can at the bus stop or dump your fast food left overs in the park for a bunch of savage birds to destroy each other while they fight for it, scaring off young kids and old peoples dogs!
4. You destroy public toilets. That’s right, you treat public toilets like something from the bottom of your shoe. You pee on the floor, you leave tissue on the floor and you leave the toilet bowl in an indescribable mess, that leads me to believe that you need a wire brush shoved well and truly up your ass.
5. You talk too loud on your phone. Listen, I couldn’t give a good god damn about your petty little arguments that your having with your lazy ass husband because he forgot to take the bins out. I don’t care about how wasted Chelsea and Leannah got last night and how they went home and had a threesome with Courtney’s dad. Phone calls are private. I can talk very easily and quietly on my phone on public transport and in the mall.
6. You’re rude. You talk with your mouth full in restaurants. You bump into me in the street because you’re walking with your head down, looking at your phone, but, you look at me as if I’m in the wrong, and don’t even apologise? You fart in public as I’m walking behind you and you don’t even excuse yourself when you realise I’m there, instead I’m left to taste your vile excrement air while you walk away ever so relieved.
7. You pay no attention to what’s around you and ask silly, silly questions. For example, in your local supermarket you ask where the toilets are, but, if you’d only lift your head and follow the signs, they’ll see you straight there.
8. You dress like a disabled beaver. How does a disabled beaver dress? I’m not sure, but, I’m certain it’d wear something far better than skinny tight jeans that hang below your ass, making you look like you’ve shit yourself or that you have minuscule legs. Also, those pointy ass, brown shoes that you haven’t even bothered to tie the laces on, look utterly ridiculous with those skinny jeans and give you instant clown feet.
9. You think that you’re funny. If you are actually funny, then I’ll laugh, so please continue to talk and make your jokes. If, however, you are not funny, but are so arrogant to believe that you are, please shut up. You are embarrassing me, but, most importantly, yourself. If I’m looking for Jim Carrey, I’ll go to the movies.
10. You wear T-shirts with ridiculous and inappropriate prints. Don’t get me wrong, I love T-shirts and funny prints, but guys, seriously, why are you walking around with a half naked Baywatch babe on your shirt while out with your wife? Dads, why are you walking around with your children wearing a shirt that has ‘I’m really Dirty’ on it? And what is the appeal for a fifty year old woman to walk around with ‘Does it bother you I’m always right?’ printed in huge bold letters on her shirt?
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