10 reasons why I refuse to hire you!

1. Your CV looks like it’s been trailed trough mud while stuck to a dogs paw. It has fold lines, creases and was handed in, in a polly pocket. It wasn’t received in pristine condition, in a sealed envelope.

2. Your CV tells me nothing about you or your experience. It’s basic and vague, it does not “sell” you. It reads like you’re a boring mouth breathing equivalent of an oak tree.

3. Your CV tells me too much and tells me how fantastically arrogant you are. If you are that good, why are you applying to work in a retail store? Sounds like you should be applying for CEO in Apple or running for president.

4. Your CV is good, so I call you to invite you for an interview. However, you sound bored or disinterested when I call you. You sound like you’re watching grass grow or slowly slipping into a coma. You certainly do not sound like someone who is excited and desperately seeking work.

5. You don’t answer the phone when I call you. I’ve called you 5 times already and left 5 messages.

6. You’re late for your interview.

7. You come to your interview dressed like something the tide washed up. You are dressed like you’ve been grave digging or like it’s the 31st of October. Certainly not like somebody who believes 1st impressions count when looking for work.

8. You are unable to talk during your interview. You don’t make eye contact. You give one worded answers. I can’t hear you, you’re as quiet as a mouse peeing on cotton. In some instances, you’re as quiet as a mouse not even thinking about peeing on cotton!

9. You can’t tell me anything about our organisation. It’s simply not enough to tell me that we “sell stuff”. My goldfish probably knows that. You did not take the time to research the organisation you wish to join.

10. Your body language is all wrong. You’re slouched in your chair. Your arms are folded. Your hands are in your pockets. You show no enthusiasm. You do not excite me.

I’m sorry, I will not be offering you a position at this time.

Read more 10 reasons why

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