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Al Graham

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goat

That really gets my goat! Part 3: Ignorant Idiots

Goat 1

 

Seven billion.  A huge number.  In fact, it’s such a massive number, its very difficult to picture or contemplate.  Yet, thats exactly (well not exactly) how many human beings reside on this planet, known as Earth.  A planet that is essentially 90% water with only 10% available land.  But, in actual fact, 4% of that land is uninhabitable deserts, ice deserts, barren volcanic rock or snake and spider infested jungles.  This leaves seven billion of us to fight over a tiny 6% of habitable land.

When you do that kind of math, it doesn’t take Einstein to work out, that a few of us won’t get along.  We may annoy each other, become angry with one another.  We may disagree with opinions or beliefs of other people or religions.  And frighteningly enough, some of us don’t think twice of killing each other.

None of us are born with manners.  When your parents raise you, they teach you right from wrong, how and when to say please and thank you and teach you the importance of a good education.  The sad truth is, there are a lot of children out there that don’t receive as good an upbringing as they deserve, meaning that they could grow into adulthood possessing neither manners, respect or a good education.
Most of us respect our parents for teaching us the important things in life and we will put it into practice as we go through our childhood and into our adult life.

Some people, however, don’t.  Instead, they choose to forget manners, choose to be disrespectful towards other people and just enjoy being horrible or nasty.
I, for one, was raised with, and taught the importance of manners and respecting people.  When I encounter people who are ignorant, disrespectful and just down right rude, it really, really gets my goat!

Simple things like holding doors open, saying excuse me if you need to squeeze past someone on the bus or train, apologising if you step on someones toe or helping somebody pick up their shopping when the bags suddenly burst.  These are examples of common courtesy, manners and respect.

Are these things really difficult to do? For some people, the answer is yes.

I can remember many times when I’ve been bumped past on the street or on a bus, yet, the ignoramus responsible, keeps walking.  I can remember holding doors open for people as they enter the mall, only to have it swing back in my face as I exit.

Other people believe that they are the only ones around and are free to do as they please without considering others.  I’ll give you an example:

The other day, my lovely wife and I had been for a late night swim (it really helps her in the last stages of pregnancy).  After stopping for a bag of chips, I noticed that one of my tyres was flat, and so, proceeded to the nearest fuel station.  When I arrived, I pulled up by the air dispenser and began blowing up my tyre.  Within 5 seconds of this, a car came roaring in off of the street, dodged the fuel pumps and screeched to a halt.  To add to the idiocy of the driver, he was booming 90’s dance music so loud it would have awoken Godzilla from hibernation.  Boom, boom! Thud, Thud! I’ll bet if he killed the engine, the vibrations from the bass could’ve easily carried the car along the road. I’m sure we all play music loud in our cars, sometimes.  I have, and do.  But, not at 10:30pm in a built up area, and certainly not as I pull into a quiet fuel station.  What amazed me even more about this, was that the driver was a balding, fat 40 something, height of nothingness man.  His friend, of equal description, hauled himself out of the low riding car and headed to an ATM.  Even more astoundingly, they actually tried to talk to each other, or rather, scream at each other as the music boomed, while one idiot stood at the ATM and the other moron sat in his car.  Seriously gents, drive responsibly, turn that ageing dance music down and act your bloody age!

I have often witnessed people load shopping into their cars, only to lazily toss the shopping trolley to one side and climb into their cars.  Of course, that trolley will eventually creep down the gradient and eventually hit some poor souls new Maserati.  What makes this more irritating, aside from the down right laziness and zero respect for other peoples property, is the fact that the trolley park is less than 3 meters from them.  Yet, these very people would be the first complain if their car was whacked by a run away trolley.

You can imagine my horror as I browsed my local supermarket and witnessed an elderly customer trying to get the attention of an assistant, by calling after them as if they were some little junk yard dog, while waving a walking stick in the air.  The store worker remained calm and pleasant.  I for one, was boiling inside.  I would never dream of ever speaking to a junk yard dog like that anyway, never mind another human being.

Other experiences, such as walking along the street and approaching a Zebra crossing, only to be almost run over by some ignorant, arrogant a-hole who decides that they don’t want to stop for you, even although it’s the law.  And, when you make a face of disgust, they are the ones who throw a hand out of the window, and make a rude gesture of some sort.

There are countless other examples of dealing with, or witnessing a world crammed with horrible ignoramuses.  Im sure, many of you have examples of your own and have most likely dealt with an ignorant idiot quite recently.

However, to the ignorant idiots out there, who choose to be disrespectful, nasty or just down right rude, stop and think for just one minute.  How exactly would you feel, if the shoe was on the other foot?

Ignorance, disrespect and rudeness really, really gets my goat!

Goat has been got!

 

Read Parts 1 and 2, here 

(c) Copyright 2014 AGS

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That really gets my goat! Part 2: Gumtree Goons

Goat 1

Its said that the average household has around £1000 of unused and unwanted goods, gadgets & furniture lying around.  TV’s in the attic.  Mobile phones in drawers.  Furnitutre in the garage.  Sometimes, old cars sit feeling sorry for themselves on the drive, having never been driven for years.

If you ever found yourself strapped for cash, it is almost certain that if you looked hard enough around your home, you could easily rustle up enough cash to fix the car, upgrade your TV, finally pay Mum & Dad back or, in my case recently, add it to moving fees and to the baby fund.

I can say with confidence, that I am a dab hand when it comes to selling on gumtree or eBay.  Not without several years of practice, mind you.  How you describe an item, the way you photograph it and even how you title it, could be the difference between collecting cash, or collecting dust.

Many of my gumtree transactions have been smooth and successful. Ive sold items as big as caravans and items as small as camping chairs.  Most gumtree shoppers are easy enough to deal with.  They browse their local area for a particular item, and if you’re lucky enough, they’ll spot your amazingly written and photographed advert.  Once they have read the description, they get in touch with you and arrange a suitable time to come and view (and hopefully buy) your unwanted item.  Its generally a pleasant experience.

However, more than often than I’d like, a Gumtree goon comes into my life and really, really gets my goat! Let me explain why.

In my adverts, I carefully take photos of what Im selling.  I write a short paragraph, describing the item.  I’ll list any flaws, dimensions, missing parts and any broken bits (if necessary).  Then, I’ll list my terms of the sale.  By this, I mean how I’d like to be contacted.  I explain that texts will be ignored, please email me or call me during business hours, and please do not contact me with insulting silly, silly offers.

You can imagine my irritation levels when I received a text from an unknown number at 10:30pm one week night.  Yes, this was a gumtree goon, interested in a computer desk I had listed for £20.  The text messaging tennis between myself and this unbelievable duck egg, was astounding, if not unbelievable.

Goon: Do you still have computer desk?

Me: Yes.

Goon: What size is it?

Me: Dimensions are in the ad description.

There was a short pause.

Goon: How much do you want for it?

Me: As it says in the ad, £20.

Goon: Offer you £5?

Me: £5?! its listed at £20.

10 minutes passed by.

Goon: £5 and an unopened litre bottle of Perno?

I didn’t respond.

Another 10 minutes passed by.

Goon: Thoughts?

Me: Please delete my number and do not contact me again.

I broke my own rules that night by actually responding to the text.  But, the desk was taking up valuable space in the freshly decorated nursery and had been listed for over a week.  I wanted it gone.  Gone for the price of £20.  Not £5 and a bottle of gut melting liquor.

Other similar experiences have included phone calls about a mountain bike I’d been selling.  One merry gentleman rang me and asked for the bikes frame size.  It was written in the bloody title, you know, the one he had to click on, to read my advert!

An older lady once called me, enquiring about an old Peugeot car I had spent a few weeks fixing up for sale.  She wanted to know what colour it was.  Now, I was certain that the coloured photo on the listing, would have been enough.  Was she colour blind? I don’t know, but, she wasn’t illiterate, and for good measure I had written the colour in the advert description. Green!

A foreign gentleman called me late one evening.  Reluctantly I answered.  He was enquiring about a caravan I had for sale.  It turns out he was very interested, but lived five hours away.  He was so interested, in fact, that he packed his wife and child into the minivan and drove through the night for five solid hours to my front door, arriving a little past eight in the morning.  When he arrived, he spent less than ten minutes examining the caravan, to then offer me less than half of what I was asking.  When I declined, he got upset and pleaded with me because he had come so far.  That was his problem.  Why on earth would you travel that far to buy something you hadn’t even seen?  Needless to say, he left and the caravan remained with me, taking up valuable space on my drive.

It could be enough to put you off private selling.  However, the money that can be made and the satisfaction of sending an otherwise unused item back into use, is far too great.  So, I have compiled a list of some top tips to gumtree goons everywhere, to ensure you stop wasting precious time and save yourself needless embarrassment.

1. Please read the advert and the description.  Follow the sellers instructions.  If they ask you not to text, don’t text.  If they ask you to call during business hours, please do so.  By sticking to the sellers terms, you save any unnecessary hostility or shirty replies when you do get in touch and the seller reluctantly responds to your text or answers you call.

2. Can you actually afford the item? Then please do not contact a seller.  Stop asking for an 80% discount, offering your hamster as a swap for a Range Rover or being so arrogant, as to believe that just because you offer ‘cash’ and will ‘take away today’, it will change the sellers mind and will accept your insulting, embarrassing offer.

3. Read what the seller has written about the item.  Look for sizes, colours and conditions.  Carefully look at the photos.  Do not glance at the advert and ask questions that have already been answered.  You could save yourself masses of time and further shirty responses.  If its not written in the advert, however, then ask away.

4. Stop time wasting.  More than I’d care to remember, I have wasted mornings and afternoons waiting on gumtree goons who say they’re coming to view or buy an item and then never show.  It wastes time and money, as you stop any other potential buyers, because you believed the last idiot, who said he was coming.  Oh and he’s suddenly stopped responding to your calls.

To the goons who can’t read, won’t read or refuse to use the brain and eyes that god gave you, you are a small minority who are sucking the pleasure out of an otherwise productive and pleasurable pastime.  And you know what? That really gets my goat!

Goat has been got!

Did you enjoy this rant? Read Part 1 here, Cinema Commandos.

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Then I hope that I helped you on your way.

Who doesn’t love a goat, who can talk. On the phone.

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