The worst ways to begin your novel


The write life offers feedback from literary agents on what they don’t like to see in the opening of a novel.

The Worst Ways to Begin Your Novel: Advice from Literary Agents

I despise you…

I’d rather you didn’t speak to me. I’m sick of listening to your bullshit. You’re no better than me, but then again, you think you’re better than most. You’re a pretentious, glory hunter.

Your stories are boring and clearly fabricated- no, don’t take out your phone and show me photos of your weekend. I’m really not interested, in fact, I don’t care.

While we’re at it, I hate those shoes & what kind of stupid, rusting car is that anyway?


Where to find Blog ideas


I don’t know.  Where do you find them?  I’m sure we can all relate to that burning desire of wanting to blog, but you hit a big brick wall.  Sometimes it literally just comes to you when you’re driving, working, feeding the baby or scratching your ass.  The truth is, there is no answer to finding blog ideas.  We can utilise ideas from fellow bloggers, write about something or somebody who really got on your wick today, why wouldn’t the baby stop crying, why is your boss such a tool or why did the paint take so long to dry in my bedroom?

Some will win, some will fail.  But, thats the nature of the blogging beast, isn’t it?

I’ve hit something of a dry spell recently.  Ideas for blogs have been few and far between.

So, I thought, I’ll write a blog about how I don’t have any ideas for blogging.  Hmmm, hardly going to set the WordPress App alight.  I then thought I’d compile a list from my top five blogging ideas data banks.

1. Interactions with extremely annoying, rude or obnoxious people.

See That really gets my goat: Ignorant idiots or 10 reasons why I really don’t like you!

2. Success with something I really have an interest in and wish to share.

See 13 Top tips to becoming a successful writer

3. A great days blogging

See 100 and counting and 500 and counting

4. Blogging dry spells

See My blog is dead

5. My love of creative writing

See Fiction posts

Where do you find your blogging and article ideas? I am genuinely interested in what makes the rest of the blogging world tick.  Please comment below.




Answers every Retail worker wants to give

Dumb Customer

Q: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

A: “No, I absolutely love this mass produced, sweat box uniform, so I just wear it for the crack.  Also, I love voluntarily getting on my knees in random stores and helping out obnoxious, rude people for free.”

Matrix Prices

Q: “How much is this?”

A: “Hmm, I don’t know.  Let me just consult my onboard computer and access my worldwide price App that I have built in.  I had no idea I looked like a walking price-list, I must talk to my plastic surgeon.”


Q: “Where are the toilets?”

A: “Well, if you follow the huge directional signs that this particular company has spent thousands of pounds on perfecting to ensure people like you can find them, it’ll take you right there.  I know, I know, its extremely silly of me to think that you could lift your head and look for yourself.”

stupid and rude

Q: “Excuse me, to save me looking, could you tell me where A, B & C are kept?”

A: “Of course, of course.  I’ll save you the trouble of looking and do your shopping for you.  It’s a terrible ordeal this shopping carry on, I couldn’t expect you to look for your required items on your own.  Actually, aren’t you the person who recently asked where the toilets were?”


Q: “Can you put another checkout on? I’ve been waiting for 10 minutes!”

A: “First of all, 10 minutes is an extreme exaggeration, you only just joined a queue of 2 people.  Secondly, if you could just stop thinking about your arrogant self and your pointless little errands that you have to get on with, as I know that you’re an extremely important and busy person and the world revolves around you, you’ll notice that the employee behind the till is working very hard to get customers through quickly and efficently and does not deserve any kind of rude behaviour from you”


Q: “This is a disgrace, let me speak to the Manager!”

A: “The manager is actually very busy at the moment, dealing with more important issues and customers who have genuine complaints and manners.  Also, the manager will most likely stick to the answer or decision that I have made as you are acting like a spoiled child and believe that you can make unreasonable demands to little people shop workers, like me.”

“Is there anything else I can help you with today?” – (asked with a smile)

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Sentence of Suspense: The getaway


I ran like I’d never ran before, my legs were like jelly and my heart thumped rapidly inside my rib cage while I dodged the gun shots and leapt across the railway track, the sound of the train thundering past with it’s honking horn was deafening and terrifying, but had at least bought me some time to try and out run the police, for now.

Read more Sentence of Suspense

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